Its ME! Blogging

Truth hurts.

It is even hurt when you cant do anything to fix the damage that you have done.

Right now, I look at us differently. Its just not the same.

Is it wrong for me to stand for him? I'm a wife, and it is my duty to stay next to him through ups and downs, through thick and thin.

And whatever things that shouldn't been said, have been said. I know I've done mistakes. But I think I dont deserve this.

Right now, I have no choice but to stay put.
Right now, I dont really know how I feel.
I am not angry.
I am not sad.
I feel... little. Yes little.

I surely can forgive, but could I ever forget?

I've delivered a 3.15kg baby boy on 11th June 2009 at 10.31a.m. The delivery wasn't so hard like the first time. This time around I only experienced the main contraction for about 10-15 minutes then kebushh!! Here out the baby ;p. We named the baby Sayf Al-Shaahid. Sayf means Sword, while Shaahid means Angle. Husband chose the name this time and I have no objection coz the meaning is so beautiful.

Before I was discharged, my son had jaundice however the peads said he doesnt required admission but a follow up checkup need to be done in 3 days. After 3 days, the reading worsen and he was admitted. Even after a week of admission, his jaundice does not show any better infact, the doctor said he had some infection and required antibiotic for 3 days, and prolong to 7 days after that. He had fever and was isolated from other babies due to his condition.

After a month, his jaundice was still appear and the doctor did a blood test which revealed that he actually had a liver function problem. The paeds referred him to a gastroenterologist in UMMC and we were told that he required immediate operation. By recalling and writing this i actually have tears in my eyes. I dont know where my strength coming from at that time. I wasnt really cry so much at that time coz i know i must be strong. And I'm actually preparing myself to accept the fact that i might lost him, how his life was being compromised at that time. Only after all that i realized how sad I am and what if I lost him? Really I cant take it, I'm sure I can never accept it.

But that was the past. Now he's a healthy boy who's so funny and make my life complete. He will be having his follow up check up but all are good, he's progressing well.

Through this chapter, I now appreciate life more. And now I know how much I would sacrifice for my children. My mom always said 'kau tak tau, kau belum jd mak'. Now I know mak, I know how mothers would over-react on certain things involving their children.

Ok till we meet again. I'll upload my son's photos when I got time. Till then, ta!

This was written sometimes ago in my phone at around 3a.m. Now only I'm able to write it in my blog.

Some people just love to be DIFFICULT! They like to complicates simple things. Reason??? Maybe they want to show that they have power and their say means alot so they simply make things difficult for others.